Been studying out everyday with either rubbish or sj or rubbish and sj.
We're so guai that we spent every single minute( i guess) studying that
WE DIDN'T TAKE ANY PICTURES:(
So odd not taking pictures when i'm out.
Been sleeping in the morning everyday with the accompany of rubbish and sj.
Really thankful to them for pei-ing me.
We webcammed, conference, chat and stuffs.
Love them(:
I made rubbish angry just only and i'm feeling damn bad:(
I'M SORRY!
DON'T BE ANGRY ANYMORE AND SHOW ME YOUR SMILE(:

I felt that i've let you down for the past 3years.
What she told me today made sense.
You were never happy.
Let you be happy is what i should do if i still love you.
If letting you go and leaving you alone makes you happy,
i'll abide it.
Please be happy(:
I love you.

Was jogging just now.
WOOTS!
Been so long since i felt so relieved(:
I love the cool night air hitting on my face as i slow jog,
just me by myself out there.
Been a long time since i felt this calm.
Although it has only been for a short 30mins,
but i enjoyed it alot.
Mum and sisters told me i look fatter-.-
(been taking lots of comfort food)
but happier this week.
Although i have gained a few kilos since what happened due to
the large intake of food for comfort,
but i'm happier(:
Eating makes me happy(:


Lame-est joke i've ever heard:

Me: Wah, i do my maths do until i going.

Dad: Who ask you eat so much gong gong( a type of clam).

Me: -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-!!!

Swam around 2 in the midnight yesterday,
wanted to swim without clothes but someone said don't:(
Sat at starbucks straight for 4hours doing A Maths.
Woots!
Felt so accomplished:D
Rubbish came to look for me after he end.
Teached me alot.
THANK YOU!(:
See i so nice,
say thank you to you here.
Haha.
Ate dinner at my house and off he went.
Now both my sisters have an itouch.
I also want:(
Who wants to be nice and give me one?
Haha.

Been spending my days with sj, rubbish, fiona.
Haha.
Meeting them after school and stuffs.
Met with bimbo, yz and jy on thursday i think.
Friday went for oral.
After that out with sj and rubbish.
Sj left for home and rubbish accompanied me to look for my mama at jurong.
She was singing ge tai and we waited for her.
Went to lim chu kang after that and my ah gu said alot:(
And he talked to rubbish too!
So cool.
Da bao-ed food and my mama sent him home.
I'm enjoying days now.
Although i still get that unsettled feeling but i'm much better now:D
I'm living so much better now without you.
I'm so glad i made that choice few months back.
When i see you now,
all the flashbacks are how badly you've treated me and all those hurtful words.
I no longer wished for you to be with me cause i know sadness is all you have for me.
I give up.

Just got home from bringing my little brother to the doc.
So poor thing,
he just had an injection at his butt!
Haha.
Evil i may seem,
BUT!!!
Being the nice sister,
i distracted him while he was being injected okay!:D
He was given 4 bottles of medcine to drink.
EWWW!
I remember i used to hate liquid medcine when i was young.
Saw miss anisa, mr soon and yeo today.
Going to school in the morning to meet the P at 8.
Rubbish say that he wouldn't mind being late for school to ''pei'' me.
Actually he just want a free ride idoit!( only a few know why i spellled it this way)
Haha.
Ohyeah,
i will be writing my emo stuffs at another site.
I shall be happy whenever i blog here!(:
RUBBISH LIED TO ME!!!
AND SJ AND KAR WAI!
I LOVE YOU 2222222222222222222222222222222!!!<3!!!

Bit by bit,
i'm letting go(:

Some overdue photos and photos from today!:D

You made me realised what my family and friends were trying to tell me all along.
I'm disappointed.
Totally disappointed.
After hearing what you told my mum,
i know i cannot trust you anymore.
And i had enough of how you're treating.
Seriously,
so what even if i still love you.
So what even if i give in to you always.
Do you appreciated?
No!
You'll only know how to take advantage of that.
I'm leaving this place.
I'm leaving behind all this memories, all the love.
Most importantly,
i'm leaving you.
All i ever wanted was for us to be like before.
For you to love me lots lots like how you would tell me every night.
I'm still loving you,
still missing you.
But i'm not doing all those blindly like before.
I'm waking up,
i'm moving on.
I'm giving up.





On a happier note(:
Sj and rubbish man is here.
They are so lame.
And i have bicycle to ride later on,
HAPPINESS!
OH YA!
I'll be changing my number soon.
So if you can't contact me,
please contact shi jing or someone close to me(:

Been ages since i blogged.
Pig came to find me after school today.
It was raining cats and dogs today.
Walked out with a hoodie over my head and an umbrella.
It was so cold.
Walked to 88 bus stop with pig and bused to pasir ris.
Walked to ehub after that and we ate just asia.
Woah,
their portion super big lah!
Pig ju shi pig lor.
She helped me finish my food and we had free flow ice cream and drinks also!
Haha.
Was wandering downstairs someone's house and we decided to look for fion after that!
Went to white sand's mac and we ate and played true or dare.
OUR DARE WAS DAMN FUNNY!
RUBBISH MAN SO MALU LAH!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Took mrt and a stupid old ah pei SHUSH us so LOUDLY!
Haha,
so we got off the train and took the next one instead.
HA!
Rubbish man sent me home after that
AND
he's so idoit!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!:P
Going out in awhile time.
Ciaos!

I know i should be contented with the time you've given me.
But i don't know why i kept thinking of how we were last time.
We were really very very very happy last time.
I miss you loving me,
i miss you wanting me.
Why will things turn out this way?
CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:( I want to leave this place to a place where i can really be happy.
I want to be happy even without you.
Spare me please,
i want to be happy.

Been days since i blogged,
Homed around 10 i think.
Had training today.
After that met someone for dinner near his house
and we played pool.
Kanna own like shit:(
Stayed till 9 and i went home.

Yesterday,
ate kim gary,
walked around tamp and did a little homework
with sj, ks and fiona.
Off for ice cream buffet at Ion.
Thanks for the treat(:
Someone came to find me at yck mrt after that.
Wanted to take 70m and loop back to my house as we talked.
But decided to drop at my house.
Went to shell and someone is stupid!!
Hahaha!
Chatted at the park till 10.
Homed after that.
Maybe going to ball with someone tml morning.
I shall see how!
Haha.


you know what?
I really think you're crapping.
Fucking crapping with me.
Yeah, ask me out on saturday?
How nice.
You say but you don't do.
You pierced your ear ytd but you didn't told me.
You once told me when we were in sec1 that you will not peirce anymore
because you know i didn't like it.
Yeah!
How nice!
Oh?
We're back tgt?
Look at today.

Woke up so early by my stupid sister today-.-
She thot i was late and banged on my door at 6.30.
Gave up sleeping,
went to school after that.
Had amaths test and binomial lesson.
So xian-.-
Went to dadui after that.
Left school with sj, serene, regina and noelle.
Went to compass,
ate at yoshi and starbucks.
Wanted to study but we were so tired so we left for my house.
Noelle and regina left though.
Haha.
I had so many first time today.
I used my card to pay nets today,
i've got my ic today,
i used the atm machine today,
i went grocery shopping with serene today.
Haha.
Serene is nice to help me carry the basket(:
I think food is really my source of comfort man.
I bought a big red bag full of tidbits-.-
Haiz,
i really fat like crap le lor.



Today,
we took the lrt, we sat at starbucks.
we talked alot about you.
How we always take wrong lrt.
Haha, how i insist you follow me,
end up getting lost.
How you always hold me like s mall gal leading the way.
For the past few days,
i've been thinking.
Now,
you're msging so many other people.
They know of your lifestyle more than me alr.
You're msging them the whole day even when you're busy.
I guess i'm unimportant.
I went thru our msn history today.
How you came online saying '' hihi darling''
It's so sweet.
How you surprised me with your webcam saying
'' Want me make you happier?''
Those were the days i loved the most.
But oh well,
i'm getting on fine now(:
I don't miss you now,
i miss last time the alex,
the so ever sweet,
so ever letting me(:
I love that him<3
Lots lots.....................

So many amulets to drink,
so many medicine to eat.
And now my dad is forcing me to drink some super bitter chinese medicine.
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW !!!!
Dreamt of that guy again-.-
Super scary can !!!
We don't even talk to each other but i find him super sweet in my dreams-.-
I'm not broke, i'm just heart-broken.

School -- > Home --> Parry --> West Coast --> Pasir panjang --> Lim Chu Kang --> Zheng Hua --> Parry --> Home

Pretty much how i spent my day yesterday.
Home-ed around 3 in the morning.


Went to grandma's house first thing in the morning.
Went to ION.
Goodness,
it's so big-.-
so packed-.-
so circle-ish-.-
Don't like it there-.-
Spent $90 on a shorts-.-
CONCLUSION: THE ION ISN'T A BIG DEAL CAUSE IT ISN'T VERY NICE-.-
Homed and some idiots came for free food and left.
Haha,
but they are fun.
Went to my sister's friend house after they left,
such a coincidence that he just bought the house my dad wanted to buy last year.
Hahs.
Home-ed around 11 i think.
Sister left for gay's night and she i almost went...............


I'm having comfort food now and it suck.
I'm getting fatter and fatter as days goes by cause of it !!!!:(

Labels: Tomorrow will be a better day

You still don't know how much you've hurt me..............

Yesterday when i got in to my mum's car,
i felt like i was a little gal once again.
I cried and i told her
'' Mummy, 我真的很累了，很累很累了''.
I don't know what got into her but
she scolded me terribly.
It's been ages since i've heard her scream this loudly at me.
Those tone, those harshness were often use on me when i was young.
All she said really got into me this time,
i've let people who cared for me down.


Yes,
this may be my life.
However,
in my life,
i have many others that truely care for me
and wants to see that happy gal again.
For him,
i've hurt many others.
I shouldn't be so selfish.


I'm really tired
It's really tiring to be happy in front of you when i'm not
cause if i give that xian face,
you will be even more unwilling to go out with me.
I've prayed,
i've begged,
i've done many things that i wouldn't expect myself to do.
It's enough.

Yesterday night after you left,
i left my phone in the silent mode and left it to charge.
I lied in my bed all the way till morning, thinking.
I've seen people's texts.
i've seen people's calls.
Most importantly,
i've seen yours.
It really made me happy although it was only once.
But i know,
i'm not supposed to pick or to reply.
I really have to give up.
My heart is aching,
leading to the physical pain of my chest.



It's not that i do not love you,
i do.
But i have to think of those who care about me
and not let them down.
I'm letting go.
I'm moving on.
Thank you for all the good and bad memories.
I will miss you,
i really will darling.....


人生的道路上，每一件事都是注定的。
这是我必经之路。
是你的就是你的，
不是你的，你在怎么留也是没有用。
看着你，我再也找不到以前爱过我的你。
缘分已禁，
是时候放手了。

I don't care if your house is far
I don't care if school is far.
When you love someone,
distance isn't a problem
I guess you should know it very well.
In sec1, for you i can wake up at 6 every morning.
Taking buses and mrt to your house to find you.
Vice versa,
you did the same.
Why?
Cause we loved each other alot then.
I don't need you to call me just for the sake of calling.
Okay,
maybe i do.
At least i get to hear your voice,
But i would much prefer you calling me to chat.
Not calling me and teling me you would call back leta every SINGLE time!
It's been the 6th time today since you've done it.
Our phone calls don't last more than 10mins every time.
We did not meet today,
we did not text today,
I just want to chat with you,
Giving each other ample time to get closer with words.
On the phone,
you keep quiet.
How am i supposed to continue convering with you?
I'm tryng my best,
please give me a chance.
Don't take away what's left of this 3 years of relationship.

Last chance?
Are you even giving me that chance?
You didn't bother to call me or send me a text
although i didn't contact you for 5 whole hours.
You don't even seem anxious or what,
I bet you were texting other people even though you were doing your work.
You said we should both try,
You feel guilty that's why you will agree.
Then shouldn't you play your part properly and be the same too!?
WHY IZZIT ONLY ME THEN?
I know i have NO right to be feeling this way,
cause i'm the one WITH feelings whereas you
DO NOT have feelings.
You're the big shot now.
I will just suffer in silence.
Cause i know if i say all this out,
you will not care about me anymore.
Yeah,
i'm scare to lose you.
I want your love.
I want you by myself.
I'm just a failure.
Although i know this isn't me but i'm still acting like this,
Why?
Cause at the end of the day,
i'm the one that is afraid.
Afraid of losing you.
I hate myself for being this way.
I want to be the one who doesn't have feelings too.
You shou;d know how i feel.
I've been feeling this way for 9months alr.
9 whole months.
I'm not like me,
i've never been really happy.

Crappy day yesterday.
Had a little bit of joy in me only after i met Sj they all.
Caught the proposal ytd.
Bus-ed to katong to sing K with Cr peeps and alex.
Saw KS there.
Haha.
I love my mum,
things she scolded me for made me cry i don't know why.
I love LOI SHI JING!
For the things she did for me:)
I love you( ALOT),
thank you for this chance.

Talked to sj ytd night,
realised many things.
However,
it's never too late to change right?
I've changed and i really hoped you'd seen it.



Felt like there's only me watching the movie.
Yes,
i was throwing myself at you again.
No more pride,
no more dignity.
Guessed that's what i'm born for right?
Being stepped on again and again.

Labels: one last chance

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